Really?

To the lady who gets completely silent as I walk into the bathroom:

Do you really think that by being completely silent I won't know that you are there or what you were doing? Or *gasp* what you might start doing once I leave? Do you realize that by being totally silent you're only making it awkward for yourself? Guess what, everyone poops. Yes, even me. And your mom. ALL WOMEN POOP. But, hey, I guess you like to poop in private, sorry that I interrupt you. Maybe in the future you could hang something on the door knob, a sock, a jacket, or perhaps just a sign that says "Pooping in Progress". Until then, I look forward to our awkward bathroom rendezvous.

P.S. How did you know I was coming? I heard the courtesy flush from out in the hall.