The Hardest Thing I Never Did

...Was stand up for myself.

I always liked to think of myself as a strong person. Someone who didn't hold back, someone who was proactive.

My first job ever was as a Work Study in the Shipyard. Basically, I worked the summer between my Junior and Senior year. I got paid and also had the privileges of a full time job, health benefits and paid leave. After the summer, I went to school for the first semester of my Senior year and then for the second semester I went back the shipyard and got paid as well as school credit. I walked in the gate at 16, two days before my 17th birthday. There were twelve of us and I was the only girl. It is a very industrial world inside the shipyard. We maintain and repair nuclear Navy ships. Various types of trades are involved in this effort and as a work study I rotated through to a few of those different shops. I ran across a few "old fashioned" people who thought I was "taking a man's job". I had no problem telling them that "those men" had applied for the same job as me, took the same tests, and had the same interviews. Had they been better than me they would have had the job, but they didn't, so it's my job not theirs. I won the position, I earned the position.

I worked in the shipyard for two years until I got into the High Voltage Electrician Apprenticeship. Let me just say, I L.O.V.E. the job. Let me also say that it is a trade in the Shipyard, and also around the country that not many women are in. In the history of our shop there have only been six women. It's hard, dirty, good, smart work. If I didn't do it here, I would do it some where else. I have a passion for being an electrician. That being said, the past eight years have not been the easiest. I have had to work really hard to get to the point that I am at. I have had to endure a lot. There have been after hour emergencies when work starts going down a list and calling to see if people can come in and help. I always did. There are often times when we can only shut things off in the middle of the night to work on our equipment. I have been there. There were days that I had to haul around cables that takes five people great coordinated effort to move. I have ached. There have been miserable, dirty, wet, cold days spent in manholes splicing cables. I not so secretly LOVE that part.

The only thing that I didn't love was that no matter how hard I tried I was never equal, not in the eyes of my boss, or my co-workers. Now maybe it was because I wasn't going out drinking with "the boys". Or maybe it was because I didn't help all "the boys" every time one of them had to move furniture. Perhaps it was because I didn't go play with "the boys" when they went out and about. Yeah, I think that that stuff was apart of it, but the big push behind not being fully accepted was that I wasn't a boy.

That was really hard for me. There were days I went home in tears. Lots of days. There was one day in particular that I couldn't hold off the tears until after work. I broke down right in front of the stupid boys that I worked so hard to be accepted by. They poked and poked until I couldn't take it any more. Do you think there was any compassion after? Nope. There were times that people who had technically been there longer that weren't as skilled in some areas as I was went off to training as I was passed over. I never stopped trying, I tried to take it in stride and keep pushing on. I was strong, remember? I started taking on a lead role on the crew. I would plan and start jobs, but not get to finish them. I was always proud of the work I did and in my heart I knew that was what really mattered. I knew I did a good job but still.... Every time I was passed over there was always a reason, other than the fact I was a girl. If there wasn't that would be illegal, right? There were some pretty lame reasons, but always a reason.

Let me say that my efforts did not always fall on blind eyes. Apparently some of our management noticed me, and how I performed. A few months ago I got a promotion. A promotion I couldn't believe. I am an Engineering Technician. I no longer work with "the boys". The boss that I have now is as opposite as you can be from my last. The guys that I work with, I am once again the only girl, are great. They are helpful when I have questions and want me to succeed. I am happy when I leave work. And I am also the first female Engineering Tech ever in my shop. I once again have the ability to break ground and show everyone what I'm capable of.

Yesterday, Justine, my friend/co-worker who is currently an Apprentice did what I was never able to do. She actually stood up for herself and did something about it. I saw it with my own two eyes. She was being completely skipped over for some training that was coming up and knew there was no good reason. She went to her boss, my old boss, and gave him one chance to explain his decision. Then she did what I had always dreamed of. She went to our Superintendent. I was there when she did, I just happened to be in his office when she came to the door. He was so amazing and understanding. I knew he would be. It was the other half that I had always feared. The fall out. What would happen once you did say something. She didn't care, she knew what was happening was wrong and she stood up for herself. I am SO proud of her. Way to go Justine!

3 Nights Running

Yup that has been dinner at our place for the last three nights, Kraft style. The first night it was a split decision between two easy to cook things, and I am not typically one to make more than one meal but the choices were saimen (top ramen) and mac 'n cheese. The next night the request from Ben was Macaroni and Cheese. I was tired and not hungry, fine, macaroni and cheese it was. Last night as I was helping Ty with a school project while at the same time working on decorations for a baby shower this weekend. Ben had done dishes and worked on laundry earlier, but when he asked me what I was making for dinner he was in the process of playing tennis on the Wii. REALLY? I'm helping a kid with homework, you're playing and you want me to stop and make dinner? Whatever. So I asked him what he wanted and he said smartly, "Macaroni and Cheese". Fine mac 'n cheese it is. So I start making dinner when he asks me what I am cooking. I replied, "Macaroni and Cheese, you asked for it, you got it."

Do you think he learned a lesson?

Mess well done!

No really, the kid sitting in this high chair was wearing a bib....And no he didn't "get sick", that is uneaten spaghetti on the floor. Man I wish I had a camera with a flash on me that night so you could see under the table....

I did wait until the father and two children left before I snapped the picture, my husband made me. When we were being seated it was actually by one of the managers of our favorite restaurant and he said to my kids, "I bet you can't make a mess that big." Silly man, have you met my kids. They could make Ripley's in a heartbeat when it comes to messes. I told him so.

Tyler tried, his full cup of ginger ale? It ended up in my lap as well as Madison's.

My Sad Winning Story.

I went to go check out Tib today. Let me just state that I am SO JEALOUS! She's running off to yet another concert. I so wish I was going with her, or to any random concert in general.....

The following is the story of how I ended up at my one and only concert ever.

The year, 2001, I was married with a baby. There was a radio contest. It was a date night contest. The catch, they were looking for the most pathetic person to give the prize to. I called, I was desperate. I needed a night out with my hubby and I didn't care where it was or who I had to beg. So I told them my story.

I was 19 and had never been to a concert. When I was living at home, my parents never would have let me run of to some arena with thousands of rocking people having a good time. Then I got married and pregnant, wait, it was the other way around but who's keeping track? So being the loving protective man that he was, there was no way Ben was going to swoop me and his unborn child of to some place where people were jumping, dancing, singing, laughing, and having a good time listening to music blasting loud enough to give an unborn baby hearing problems for the rest of it's life. Then Madison was born. And we were broke. I was working full time and he was working part time and going to school, when he wasn't working full time and going to school. We had money but not for concert tickets. Our money was headed more in the direction of bills and diapers and wipes and formula (when I stopped nursing). So there I was a sad mom who just wanted to go out with her husband, child free, for one rocking night.

I gave the station my number so they could call me back on the slim chance I might have the saddest, most pathetic story in the world, and waited, and waited, and waited. They said they would call at 10 if I had won. 10 o'clock came and went, no ringing phone in our house. Then 11:30 rolled around and I was still up watching Xena, The Warrior Princess sitting in our water bed with my baby sleeping by my side when the phone rang! I KNEW IT! I knew that I was the saddest, lamest, most boring person they had ever heard of! SWEET! I answered the phone and all of my dreams had come true, at least for that night.

I had won the date night!

It was a two part package. The first sweet deal was two tickets to see the Barenaked Ladies at The Gorge.

After that came a $100 gift card for dinner at Restaurant 67 at the Edgewater Hotel in Seattle!

The concert was amazing and the food at the Edgewater was incredible! Nothing better ever came from telling the world just how sad your poor little life can be everyone in a while!

I Have A Problem....

.....With Numbers. A big problem. Yeah I know every one remembers phone numbers......

But my mom doesn't need a phone book. She calls me. She says a name and the number pops right into my head. It can be a number I haven't thought of for 15 years, it's still there. So I have people's home numbers stuck in my head, big deal. The other day I got a call on my cell phone, I saw the number it looked familiar, so I answered. It was Victoria's Secret calling to let me know I had a coupon in the store waiting for me, great news for me.... The reason the number looked familiar, my sis-in-law worked there for a bit but it's not like I called her daily. I also have my mom's, dad's, mom-in-law, hubby, friend1, friend2, friend3, and friend4 work numbers up there....plus a few more that I frequently call. And now we get to cell phones, is the world trying to drive me crazy?!? Like I really need even more numbers floating around in my head. Can I stop it, nope. Can I help it, nope. I give in of course..... How many of you have your old Jr. High gym locker combo still rolling around in your head?

24-2-12, yup too bad you didn't have that 12 years ago, you could have stolen my stinky gym clothes that I hadn't taken home in a couple weeks.....

I LOVE my odometer! It gives me amazing numbers all the time! In the beginning it was 1001 and 6789. Then it was more along the lines of 17171 and 22322. Now I'm trying to patiently wait for 24680! The suspense is killing me. If Ben is driving my car when that one rolls by I'll have to hurt him!

I get to see this one alot! It happens twice a day! Along with 3:33, 5:43 and 10:01.

The summer night when we were driving home and I had my dual climate set to 77 degrees on both sides and I looked at my outside temp and it was 77 as well, I almost did cartwheels while driving!!!!

Oh and on our cruise a year ago when our cabin number turned out to be the same number as the PO Box my parents had all through my childhood, and still do..... I was so excited, I had to point it out to my mom, she rolled her eyes......

Yeah I know all scraps of coolness just went out the window for me at warp speed. Oh well, maybe someday I'll have to share my fascination with atlases, maps, and globes (it's worse than my number problem)

Happy Day!

Today I did more shopping but it was bigger than boots. It was better than dessert, and maybe even better than dessert with girlfriends. It was more exciting than a roller coaster. It made me happier than a kid in Disneyland, but not happier than Kim in Disneyland, that is really hard to beat. I know, you're all dying to know what I bought.

These:

Madison is eight. She has been since October, but Ben hasn't been home since then. He's back and my baby is getting BAPTIZED!!! Today I bought her first set of scriptures. I went all out. I got the leather in blue and had her name out on them in script. I can't wait the two weeks until they get here. I know how much I love the scriptures I had through seminary.....If only I could find them.....I'm pretty sure they're in my grandpa's attic....where I put everything when Ben and I moved into our first home(his extra building). Anyway, I'm so excited to give her her first set of scriptures on her baptism day! When I get the date firmed up I'll have to let everyone know when and where to show up! Think March 14th at Mullenix. I need to get it okayed by the Bishop still.

For those of you who have know me forever~can you believe she's already eight and getting baptized! Yup, ladies, time stops for no one!

Oh, by the way, I cheated and bought Ty's today for future distribution. I also bought a set for myself since I haven't seen the set that I bought that had my married name on them in over two years. No clue where those puppies ended up.

BEN IS HOME!!!!

My husband is home! I love it when he comes home. Here are some of the great things that go hand in hand with Ben being back in town:

1~ My house is sparkly clean again.
2~ We were on time to church.
3~ Ben is dropping the kids at the babysitter's.
4~ I got to sleep for an extra hour this morning, because of #3.

I love that man!

I've always loved Flip Flops, but who knew?

You Are Flip Flops

You are laid back and very friendly. Cheery and sunny in disposition, you usually have something to smile about. Style is important to you, as long as you can stay casual. It takes a lot to get you to dress up! You are a loyal and true person, though you can be a bit of a flake. You tend to "play hooky" and blow off responsibilities a lot more than most people. You should live: By the beach You should work: At a casual up and coming company

What Kind of Shoe Are You?

Can I just add that at times it's scary how right on random quizes can be?

What to do...

So the doc benched me for a week. It's been a week, but my head still hurts. This headache sucks. To play or not to play? I want to play--I've got a serious itch for some soccer, Ben(who is finally home!!!!!!) thinks that because my head still hurts, I should stay on the side lines...... There is a game tonight, I'll let you know how that works out.

What just happened?

Have you ever felt like this? I have, last Thursday. My dear, sweet, kind friend Misty was simply trying to get the ball up the field and away from our goal during our game last week when my face decided to get in the way. I saw Misty kick the ball and then I saw the lights up on the ceiling as I was laying flat on my back. The ball had picked me up off the ground and laid me out! It felt like I had been decked by the strong man at the circus! I got back up, shook my head, checked for a bloody nose, and kept on playing. I so wish someone would have caught that on video. I would LOVE to see it, over and over and over again. I'm still laughing about it! I went home, went to sleep, woke up in the morning, went to work, and then came home. I laid in bed all day long with the biggest headache ever, and I've had migraines for years! It hurt while I was I bed, but as soon as I sat up or got out of bed the pain multiplied even more. So Friday night I finally go to the doctor, and he tells me I have a concussion, gee, couldn't figure that one out on my own........ And gives me a shot for the pain and percocet to help more later. I love that guy! Here it is, four days later and my head is still killing me. There is an upside: it doesn't hurt to chew on the left side of my mouth any more.

Holy Boots Batman!

I went Shopping! I haven't bought shoes in for ever. Well Macy's is having an amazing sale and just so every one knows, if you wear red to the store or put WEARRED as the promo code for online purchases you get at least an additional 20% off your purchase today and tomorrow! For those of you who don't own any red, there is a $2 pin you can purchase at the store that will get you in on the action. Okay, back to MY shopping. I have never had a brown pair of boots, and I have two pairs of black boots but one pair I don't love and the other pair is only for pants (Have you seen an extra pointy toe in a size 10?). Well, I fell in love last night. Twice. With these.

In Brown: Marc Fisher Sonora2

In Black: Steve Madden Tribune

Okay so the brown pair was originally $130 and the black ones were $170. After all the sales and discounts were taken I paid $105 and change! The only thing better than shoe shopping is when it's more like stealing!

Oh and I found the PERFECT RED lipstick yesterday too! I have never worn red before. I always thought it just didn't fit me but now that I found the right one I LOVE IT!!! I put it on when I got home and put on a red shirt just to check it out and VA VA VA VOOM! I couldn't stop smiling! It was amazing! If only I had the guts to wear it to work! maybe I'll start small with sparkly lip gloss and work my way up to blow your socks of RED!

The color, Dubonnet. It's a great crimson! And yes I bought lip liner to go with it. And primer for my lashes, and mascara, and eye liner. I wore the eye stuff today. I love mascara, I've been out for a while and feeling quite naked. Now I'm better. Although I've typically been a mascara and chapstick kind of girl I' ready to grow up....

FAB! FAB! FAB!

I want it! I need it! But all of you should go enter as well. Suzanne has created more magic for her monthly give away! I love her bags, I have two, I need this one, but there are many others I'm thinking of buying. One lucky person gets this one for free! That's how I got my first fabulous one and I'm hooked.....

Look. See. Don't you want it?!?

Told you it was amazing! hurry it's only open for entry 'till midnight on Sunday Feb 8th!

My Life Motto

Motto, mantra, adage, precept, axiom, war cry, saying....All of those work.

I heard this somewhere during Jr. High, or High School, and have never forgotten it. I LOVE IT!!! It actually got me started on this whole Emily Dickinson kick, loved that to. So few words, such great points. Simple, yet strong.

I've seen it two different ways, both are perfect!

They might not need me; but they might.

I'll let my head be just in sight; a smile as small as mine might be precisely their necessity.

(Courtesy of Brainy Quote)

-and-

They might not need me —

yet they might —

I'll let my Heart be just in sight —

A smile so small as mine might be

Precisely their necessity —

(Wikisource)

I've always been a smiley kind of person, even before hearing that. But after, it put a whole new meaning into being happy. I've gotten various monikers over the years, one that has been repeated in different circles from completely different people is "Smiley". People ask me why I'm always smiling and my constant reply, "Why not?"

I've had a couple bizarre days at church when someone came up to me and said, "Hey, I just wanted to tell you, I love your smile! It brightens my day when I see it." For the record, the lady that said that one radiated joy herself, I couldn't look at her and not smile, just seeing her made me happy! :)

One thing that I have found. When you smile others do to. Why not spread it around a little? It's so simple and doesn't anything at all. And since when has smiling made you feel worse? (When you're already angry and forced to smile doesn't count)

She does it with flair!

So I asked Madison to go put the toilet paper we had just brought home in the various bathrooms. This is what I got in mine, I wonder what she did in hers....

Yes that is a glass bowl sitting proud at the peak of the t.p. pyramid.